


Bonded to Me

by VintageJacqui



Series: TFFM [2]
Category: Nagron - Fandom, Spartacus Series (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-23
Updated: 2014-08-10
Packaged: 2017-12-09 08:13:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/772013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VintageJacqui/pseuds/VintageJacqui
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of letters between Agron and Nasir during the time that Agron is in Iraq.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. To Nasir

**Author's Note:**

  * For [albertogang](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=albertogang).



> Agron's first letter.

_**Hey beautiful,** _

_**Yeah this is weird. Writing letters is… weird!** _

_**So I’m here, arrived safe and everything is fine on the base. I can’t talk much about it, but I can give you a general idea about what life is like and I put the address you need on the front of the envelope so hope you write to me soon.** _

_**Fuck, I hate this.** _

_**I didn’t want to write to you and make you feel sad, but I miss you so fucking much and I only just left. I’m sorry.** _

_**So, you must have been to see your professor by now right? I really want to know how it went even though I know you will have knocked the guy out with how brilliant you are! Tell me everything about when you met with him. Don’t leave anything out I want to know everything.** _

_**What did you have for breakfast this morning?** _

_**I’m no good at this. You know I’m not really Mr Darcy, don’t you? HAHA! (I even have to write haha to show you I am laughing. This sucks!) I started to read the book and it makes me think about you. I was more gung-ho with you than Darcy is with Lizzie. I might as well have hit you over the head with a stick and dragged you back to my cave. I was never very subtle. I think Darcy should do that. If you love someone… you tell them.** _

_**This is awful.** _

_**I will get better at it I promise.** _

_**I want you to be happy ok.** _

_**This was a terrible first letter and the next one will be epic. (I don’t really know about that – I was just thinking about waiting for your letter and copying it. Haha! I don’t know how to show that I am rolling my eyes at myself, but I am!)** _

_**I love you.** _

_**I love you.** _

_**Agron** _

_**P.S I asked Sparty to take my picture for you cause my stupid mate Crixus laughed at me and called me a girl (I don’t know why I even asked him) so you will have a pic of my ugly mug winging it’s way to you soon!** _

_**I love you.** _

__

__


	2. To Agron

_Hey!_

_I loved your letter. You are right, it made me sad, but then it made me laugh so it wasn’t all bad. Haha! (See I have to do it too!)_

_Fuck, I miss you too. I can’t believe how far away you are and that I was only with you a few days ago. I keep thinking you are going to walk in the door and throw me over your shoulder. You remember doing that? I liked it when you did things like that._

_Ok, this is not that kind of letter. Not yet anyway._

_I’m happy you are safe and getting settled again. You weren’t away for that long so I bet you feel like you never left. I don’t really know what I can ask, but just tell me little things. Is it really hot? What do you do when you have free time? I can’t believe I didn’t ask you these things when you were here, but we both thought we had time for that._

_I feel like I know you completely, but then I feel like I don’t know you at all and I hate that the most._

_I had an apple and some cereal for breakfast. (Dork!)_

_I can’t go into the café though. Not yet._

_Yeah, I went to see Quintus, he prefers that to Prof apparently, and he loved what I wrote. He said I had a really good eye for detail and an understanding of semantics and that there will be no problems with me starting at the beginning of next term. How great is that?! I’m going to start some night classes until then so I’m not so obviously clueless when I start college in a month or so. I’m pretty excited and I wish I could hug you and see your face. I can always see how I look in your eyes and it gives me confidence._

_I’m excited for college, but I’m scared too. I can’t mess it up._

_I really want to get a job too, but I don’t really know how to do that, or even what I would be good at._

_I hate this too. I really hate it. I miss you so much._

_Please be careful._

_I love you._

_Nasir_

_P.S Don’t copy my letter, its shit too! ;p_

_Also, I can’t wait to get your photo (stupid Crixus) and I am going into town today to have my picture taken and will send it next._

_P.P.S_

_I bought a disposable camera! (Wink – haha how unsexy was that?!)_

_I love you._


	3. To Nasir

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Steph (steorie) for the amazing work on the photos. They are better than I could have hoped for and really add to the feel of the letters! Gratitude darling! <3

_**Hey beautiful,** _

_**So, I’m not loving this being away from you. It sucks major balls.** _

_**Hi, let me start again.** _

_**How are you?** _

_**You’re a genius you know? This letter thing is an awesome idea and even though I think it will take me a while to be any good at it I’ll try. Just tell me that this one is better than my first. (Rolling eyes!) When we usually get letters and things here, I never get much, the odd one from mum and dad, but when I got yours I was so excited. I may or may not have fist pumped the air. (I did.) It’s like I have a little part of you here with me and knowing that makes the distance between us a bit less.** _

_**I’m so proud of you, Nasir. I knew you would get into college and I’m always right. Haha. Have you decided on what night classes you’re thinking about? What subjects are you going to be doing when you start next month? I know you wanted to do English Lit, but do you have to choose more than one? I’m so happy for you. Let me know when you get a job too. You’ll be fine, just think, you got into college when you didn’t think you could so you can do anything. You’re so smart, Nasir, getting a job will be a piece of cake!** _

_**Speaking of food. Get your gorgeous ass back in the cafe. You can’t avoid the place because it’s a reminder that I’m over here. You love the place and you need to keep those brilliant brain cells of yours well fed. Say hi to Ruby for me and keep your eye on her. Now I’m not there to mark my territory she might try to woo you. Be gentle, let her down easy, just let her know that you have an Adonis already and you couldn’t possibly add to that with her lovely red headed self! Haha!** _

_**Oh fuck, I just thought about their pancakes and now I’m starving.** _

_**You asked me to tell you a bit about life on the base. Really, it’s a lot of waiting around. We can be here weeks before we actually go out and do anything. We still have drill training and have to exercise which is standard. Sometimes we watch films at night, play ps2, you know, typical man stuff.** _

_**The heat is ok most of the time and at night it can actually get pretty cold. I miss you the most at night, not that I don’t miss you every second of every day because I do, but I can distract myself during the day. I miss how you’d look in bed, pressed so close to me we were like one person. I miss you so much.** _

_**We didn’t have sand in our bed though. Nasir, it’s a fucking nightmare. When I first did a tour here it drove me crazy. It was in my boots, down my pants, under my skin, (ok maybe not, but it fucking felt like it) but the worst is that it’s in your bed. We sleep on these horrible cot beds, you’ve probably seen the type I mean, and they’re dipped in the middle. It’s like sleeping in a bowl of sand. I tip my bed up every night to get the worst of it out, but the stuff is always back by the time I wake up. I think I miss a proper bed more than I miss you. Don’t pout. Obviously I’m kidding.** _

_**Hmm, what else can I tell you???** _

_**Oh, the photo, haha. I had to ask a friend of mine, Saxa, to take the photo of me. I hope it’s ok for you? She wanted me to do all these stupid poses and ‘sexy looks’ but in the end I told her you wouldn’t recognise me like that haha and just to take a natural one. I need your letter soon, beautiful. I want to see your face.** _

_**Saxa wanted me to tell you that she’s looking after me for you. She’s German like me and twice as loud and fierce. I hope you get to meet her (and the others – not Crixus) when we are all home. She punched me on the arm and swore (a fucking lot) when I told her about us. Said she thought I’d never settle down with anyone and she asked a million questions. I didn’t tell her much though, I dunno, I can’t begin to describe to anyone how I feel about you, so I don’t talk about it.** _

_**It’s one of the great things about being in the army, we’re a family. I have brothers and sisters watching my back and I watch theirs. I know we never talked about it, but I know you must have thought about me and that I’m not in the safest of places, but with these guys around me I’m safe enough.** _

_**You said that you hated that we don’t really know as much about each other as you want. Yeah, I hate that too, beautiful. We were supposed to have more time together and I want to know everything about you. How about, every letter we tell each other one or two things or, you know, whatever… as much as we want about our past, family, everything? I don’t want you to think that because you were raised differently to me that I don’t want to know what you did growing up. All those things made you, you. I love you, so tell me stuff, okay?** _

_**I’ll start with, hmm, oh, ok… my first boyfriend. I was eleven and he was twelve. Older man, yes, I was a wild child. We went to an after school sports club together and he went to a rival school (haha, I was a rebel!) So, Nick, that was his name, he actually didn’t know that he was my boyfriend, I just kind of decided he was because he wasn’t afraid to hang out with me and my friends even though his friends hated us and he was good at rugby and he was tall. So, I decided that he was my boyfriend, give me a break (I can see you grinning), I was a kid and boyfriend didn’t really mean the same thing as it does when you’re old. Anyway, I told my mum that Nick was my boyfriend and she had a word with his mum who freaked. the. fuck. out. Nick’s mum and dad were into going to church and weren’t what you’d call open about homosexuals. They told my mum I was going to burn in hell and they wouldn’t let Nick go to the club again. I was really sad and my mum told me I was a good boy and that it wasn’t my fault, but I still felt like maybe I should have kept it a secret. I didn’t even know that some people thought that liking boys was wrong.** _

_**Anyway, I never saw Nick again and even though he never knew he was my boyfriend I still sort of think of him as my first. This is sounding sort of sad written down.** _

_**Shit, um, so I have to go. Spartacus is yelling at someone outside and it sounds like Crixus. I should see if they need separating. They’ve been fighting a lot recently.** _

_**I can’t wait for your next letter and your photo. It had better be a naked photo or I’m sending it back. Just kidding.** _

_**Tell me what you’re up to and how the job hunt goes. Have you seen Oenomaus or any of the boys recently? I don’t want you to be alone until you meet people at college.** _

_**I think about you all the time, Nasir, and I love you more than anything.** _

_**Even my bed.** _

_**I can’t wait to come home to you.** _

_**Agron** _

_**** _

__

__


	4. To Agron

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you Steph for the photos. They are swesome! :)

_Agron,_

_Hey, hey! Hi! Gods I miss you!_

_Your first letter was great and so was your second. Stop thinking that you aren’t good at this because we’re both new to it and I just want to hear from you. I love getting your letters and knowing that you’re thinking about me and that you love me. I love you too. You feel far away now and yes you’re right, it sucks major balls._

_Do you have any idea how long you have to be out there? I don’t know, I think if I know then it will give me something to look forward to, a date or month that I can mark on a calendar or something._

_Please tell me that its next week that you’re coming home. :(  
_

_Fuck, Agron, your photo. It’s perfect. I wanted something to keep with me all the time, in my wallet or diary (it’s for college – don’t laugh – I’m not writing a ‘Dear Diary’ thing!) The photo is too good to put in my wallet though and I couldn’t bear it if I lost it so I’m going to buy a frame. You look great, natural like you said you wanted, and I would give anything to be able to be there with you, make you smile. I miss your smile. Not just that, but… everything, I miss everyfuckingthing about you._

_I will go into the café (I promise to let Ruby down gently – you really are a giant dork) and I wanted to tell you actually, I saw a sign in the window for a part time job there. I figure they already know me so the whole, I have no qualifications thing might not be an issue with them. It would be awesome if I got the job there cause its part time and I will be able to fit it in with college. I hope I do and of course I’ll tell you about it._

_I’m taking two night classes. I signed up for them yesterday and the main one is sign language which is a Tuesday and Thursday night and the other class is… oooh the suspense…  it’s a foreign language class. Can you guess what language??? Haha! Yep, I’m learning German. I saw the list of available classes and when I saw they had one slot free on a Friday night I took it. I figure I will have to learn if I might one day meet your parents. I’d like too. They live in Germany right? Tell me about them._

_Agron?  I’d like to know a bit about Duro if you are ok to tell me. I know he isn’t with us anymore, but I know how much he meant to you and I want to get to know him. Only if you want to. I don’t want to push you. I don’t have any family and, I guess, I would like it if I knew what it’s like._

_Did I tell you how much I love you yet? I love you._

_I’m getting excited about college now. Thank you for saying you’re proud of me. I don’t think you know how important you saying that is. What it means to me. I know I can do this because you give me confidence. I wish it was time to go and I could get the first few days over with. I feel like I have no clue what to say to anyone, other students I mean, and I know (I can hear you) be myself and I’ll be fine. I’m still nervous though._

_Anyway, oh, I want to tell you about my photos. I sent two, under strict orders from Ellen. You remember me telling you about her? She’s Professor Batiatus’ aunt? You remember everything, what am I saying? The day you left, I saw her again on the bus to college and we talked and she said she wanted to give me her number so if I needed anything I could call her. She’s so nice, you would love her and I’m a bit reluctant for her to meet you (soon I hope) because I know she will love you and I’m scared she will like you better than me. :) She has been looking after me and is so nice. I want to call her grandma sometimes haha! So, I went to see her a few days ago and I had my disposable camera in my bag. She asked about you, if I’d heard from you and I sort of maybe got a bit upset (jeez I have never fucking cried so much in my whole life than since I met you!) and Ellen said we should go out into the garden and talk about good things that we did together. She asked what I first loved about you.  She saw the camera in my bag and took it out and put it on the little table by her chair and we just started talking and then she must have taken some photos when I wasn’t really looking. That’s why I’m not looking at the camera. I thought that you would like these though because I was telling her that what I first loved about you so when you look at them you will know that I’m smiling because of you. You remember when we had breakfast the day after you bumped into me (it was you, I think you’re losing your memory) and we had breakfast? You were nervous, you tried to hide it, but I could tell and I thought that I couldn’t believe someone so hot and confident and a soldier for fucks sake was nervous talking to me. I loved that you weren’t big headed and, fuck, you didn’t have a clue how sexy you were (are) and I love that about you. You don’t take yourself seriously and I never feel insignificant when I’m next to you. You don’t let me feel insignificant. Agron, you always made me feel like I was the best thing in the world._

Naked photo? Yeah right.

_Um, I’m guessing that you’ve noticed my hair? Are you freaking out? I had it cut a little. I needed a change and I don’t know, I feel different so wanted to look different. Do you hate it? I know you love my hair and it will grow back before I see you again so you won’t even see it like it is now._

_Thanks for telling me about what it’s like for you out there. I never really thought what life must be like for soldiers and knowing that you all look out for each other, like a real family is nice to know. Thank Saxa for me and the rest of your family.  I feel a bit better thinking about you surrounded by people who will fight for you._

_I hate that you are in danger. You were brushing over it in your last letter and I know you don’t want me to worry, but I do and I don’t think it’s possible for me to stop. I have to talk about it because I’m scared and I have thought about the possibility that I could lose you and that’s why I have to ask you something. What happens if something happens to you? Is the whole, next of kin thing still bullshit, and only immediate family and a soldiers spouse is contacted if something bad happens? Would I even know? I don’t want to see it on the news, but I don’t have any rights, I know that. I was wondering maybe if you could ask Spartacus or anyone to keep me in mind and call me or something if, I can’t write it, but you know what I’m saying. This is so hard._

_Ok, back to happy things, I don’t want to bum you out._

_You’ve always loved bed more than me and it’s a fact I’ve come to accept. Haha! I’m sorry you get sand in your bed. That’s totally crap and I would be going crazy too, but now I know why your ass is so smooth. The sand exfoliates you. I like the sand. You have a great ass._

_Nights are hard for me too. I slept in your t-shirt for a few nights, but then I thought I would have to wash it and I don’t want to so I’m going to keep it under my pillow where you left it. I miss your arms and how you would always touch me even when I was hot in bed and didn’t want your body all over me. It’s like sleeping in an oven with you! But even if it was the edge of your hand on my hip, or your fingers on my thigh, you would always touch me. I felt safe. I need you here with me._

_Sorry._

_Your story about Nick was so cute and heart-breaking. His mum actually said you were gonna burn in hell? Fuck. I can’t believe you were so sure about who you were when you were so young and that your mum (and dad?) accepted you right away. You decided he was going to be your boyfriend, but he didn’t know it. Oh my god, Agron, you are like no one I have ever met. (I laughed at the story until it got sad at the end – tell me something funny next time, dork. Are you on a mission to get me to cry all the time?)  I love that you are telling me these things from your past because it is easy for me to see why you are the way you are now.  I can go back to when you were a kid and know where your open heart and acceptance of people came from. You’re a fucking awesome man and I should tell you more often how proud I am of **you**. Nick would have been lucky to have known that he was your first boyfriend.  
_

_I will tell you stuff about me growing up, but it’s pretty grim if I’m honest. I’m not after pity. It’s just how it is._

_I had a cat once. Only for a few months. I suppose I adopted her because she just wandered into the house one day and stayed. I was still living with my dad then and he wasn’t bothered what I did so I made a bed for the cat in my room and when dad was drunk and passed out I took some money to buy food for her. Have you ever seen the film ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’? The cat isn’t given a name because they never belong to each other and that’s how it was with me and my cat. We didn’t ever belong to each other and so when she didn’t come home after being with me for a few months I got rid of her bed and threw the leftover food in the bin and didn’t sulk. I only wanted to have been able to go with her, be free like her, but dad was still around and I was a kid. I’ve never had a pet since then and I still remember what she looked like. Her eyes were bright and green, like yours. She was a good friend._

_I think I will save telling you about my first boyfriend for another letter. It might take a while and a few sheets of paper._

_I haven’t seen Oenomaus or any of TWD lately. I don’t really think they want me around. You have to understand, they were happy that I was doing something that was important to me, but I betrayed them by leaving. They aren’t pissed at me or gonna hurt me, but they won’t want to see me anymore. It’s just the way things are done and I’m ok with it. Oenomaus might want to see me, I don’t know, I’ll text him ok. I’m not alone though, I have Ellen and Quintus and Ruby (my future wife haha) and they are all so great. I’m lucky to have them to try and distract me from thinking about you all the time and stop me from crawling into my bed and not leaving until you are back in my arms. I do that sometimes because I can smell you on the sheets and I can pretend you’re out getting breakfast or having a shower and you’ll be coming back any minute._

_I miss you and I love you._

_I love you so much that it hurts._

_Nasir_

_P.S_

_What’s going on with Spartacus and Crixus?_

_Why don’t you like Crixus?_

_When are you coming home?_

_I love you x_

__


	5. To Nasir

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thank you to Chel for the photo of our beautiful Dan as Agron as Army Agron! ;p Awesome job!

_**Hey, beautiful.** _

_**Quick letter, lots happening here, nothing for you to worry about, just barely any time to do anything other than sleep when I get any time and I like to write to you properly and not rush. I just wanted to tell you some stuff that I should have talked to you about when I was with you and I’m really sorry that I didn’t… it was just, I suppose I put it off because it’s not something I want to have to talk to you about, me being here and that kind of thing, but you have to know, so here we are.** _

_**I spoke to Spartacus and I made sure that your details were put in my records in case anything happened, which it won’t, but… in case. I couldn’t be over here if I thought that you wouldn’t be contacted. We both know the reality of it and I can’t lie to you, I’m not invincible, but I feel like having someone like you in my life has given me strength and, it’s like, I have something to give me focus, be extra vigilant and aware of things here. The whole thing about rights, officially you don’t, but Spartacus and Saxa, fuck even Crixus, knows what you mean to me (that’s everything by the way) so fuck whoever says our love isn’t as fucking real or important as anyone else’s. I know you’re scared, I have to be honest with you, I am too, but we’ll get through this. We’ve gone through a lot together and I’ve never known anyone as brave as you. Try not to worry (sorry that I keep saying it!)** _

_**Nasir, I only just found you and there is no way in hell we are going to be parted now. The days are already passing us by and I will be back in your arms before you know it.** _

_**Gods I miss you. I want nothing more than to kiss you, put my hands in your hair. I need to touch you again. I love you so much.** _

_**I have so much more to tell you, but I will have to write again, SOON, I promise. :) Fuck, I have to go. Night patrols for a while here. Better cause it’s not so hot, but it fucks up our sleep patterns and I hate sleeping in the day! (Moan, moan, moan! Aggy is grumpy!)** _

_**Oh, one thing, your photos… Nasir, you look so beautiful. I loved seeing your smile and your hair (I will talk about that shock in my next letter haha) and you look so different. In a good way, but you look, content and (don’t hate me but) grown up. I can see how much you’ve grown since I first met you when you were so unsure about yourself and your life. I want you to know how proud of you I am and know that I think about you every day. I keep one picture of you with me, in my pocket by my heart, and the other on base so you don’t get all crumpled. Thank Ellen for taking them and for taking care of you now that I’m not there to. But I will be there, and for the rest of our lives, to take care of you.** _

_**Ok, Saxa just hit me on the back of my head, which means I really have to go, but don’t be mad at her because I told her that you wanted a picture of me smiling and she insisted that I do a better job posing for you so I’m sending you something else. I hope you like it.** _

_**Speak to you soon, little man.** _

_**I love you,** _

_**Agron** _


	6. To Nasir

_**Hey, beautiful,** _

_**See I told you I would write another letter soon. Everything is ok and I’m ok, it’s just we can have weeks of doing nothing and then it’ll be mad and we won’t have a minute to ourselves that isn’t used sleeping. It’s quiet again now and apart from the stuff we have to do every day, drills, shit I don’t want to bore you with, so I have more time so I can write a better letter.** _

_**Hi, my love, I miss you so much and I think that old saying – ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ – is so fucking right because I feel like every second I’m away from you I fall in love with you a little bit more.** _

_**Nasir, I’m going to be here for a year. It was the shortest tour I could get and Spartacus had to pull some strings for me, I really owe him. I’m so sorry, beautiful. I think it will be the end of March, I don’t know the exact date yet, but you will be the first to know.** _

_**I thought if I blurted it out it would be like ripping off a Band-Aid, but I just re-read it and I know it’s going to suck for you to read. It’s total shit news, but it could have been two, even three years, so we should be grateful I suppose.** _

_**Hopefully one day I will send you a letter that isn’t so fucking depressing.** _

_**I’m going to answer your questions first so I don’t forget anything.** _

_**I’m glad you liked the photo (and the second one too) and I hope it helps you as much as seeing yours helps me.** _

_**I hope you’ve been into the café by now and I have a feeling you will have got the job, especially if Ruby has any say in it. Don’t give into her charms, little man. I refuse to be jilted when I can’t even fight for your honour. (Yes – I finished Pride and Prejudice. Can you tell? Haha.)** _

_**I can’t believe you are learning German! Fuck the gods, do you realise how hot that is?! Really fucking hot is the answer! Yes, I want you to meet my folks. They’ve heard about you and are really looking forward to meeting you. Yes, they live in Germany. When I get home we can sort out going to visit them ok? Nasir, write something in German in your next letter for me. (So fucking hot!) Your night classes sound really interesting. Sign language, huh? What made you choose that?** _

_**You’re going to be fine at college and you’re going to get on great with the other students. You can never see how amazing you are, however many times I tell you, but I know that is what everyone will see when you start your classes. It’s fine to be nervous, but it will pass and you will love it. Trust me, I’m smarter than I look, you will have more friends than you will know what to do with. It isn’t long till you start is it? Time is flying by!** _

_**Ok, down to serious business. Your. Hair.** _

_**I will say – you look beautiful. It suits you and it’s good that you wanted a fresh start and a change. Um, yeah, let it grow though. (I am pouting a bit – imagine it!) I love your hair. I’m so fucking unreasonable and selfish. Ignore me, it’s your hair and you can do what you want. You would look fucking stunning whatever you decided to do with it. I don’t hate it, silly, I couldn’t hate anything about you.** _

_**Ellen is definitely my new favourite person, please give her a kiss from me (or a hug – if a kiss is a bit much) and thank her for taking the photos of you. If you look like that when you are talking to her about me then I’m a really lucky man (I knew that already though). I’ve never seen anyone so beautiful in all my life and I still can’t believe that you’re mine. Like I said, I keep one of your photos with me all the time. It’s my good luck charm, I guess. You are keeping me safe. Yeah, I remember that morning. I couldn’t believe it when I saw you in the café – I was just passing by and saw you through the window and I can’t even remember walking inside and before I knew it I had my hand on your shoulder and you looked just like a little rabbit in car headlights. I don’t think you were expecting to see me so soon were you? Gods, I was so glad to see you again and that you agreed to let me crash your breakfast. Dude, you bumped into me you dope, you were walking with your head down. Anyway, yeah I was nervous, but you were too, I could tell. I’m happy you didn’t think I was big headed, I’ve never been like that. I’m nothing special. Nasir, I make you feel like you are the best thing in the world because you are.** _

_**I really wish I had left two t-shirts for you now. I like thinking about you wearing it, but I get that you don’t want to wash it. I think one of the worst things about being so far away is that I can’t smell you (it comes across weirder written down haha.) Another reason to grow your hair back – I will be sniffing you when I get home, babydoll, so be ready.** _

_**So it’s definitely a ‘no’ to the naked photo? So mean to me. Alright, but can we try a bit of a dirty letter? You can start, but I’m getting a bit lonely in the pants department and I think it’s your duty as my boyfriend to give me some ammo to jerk off to.** _

_**Did you see Oenomaus? I don’t get the whole betrayal part, but it’s your thing (I’m never going to know what being in a gang growing up was like for you) and if you are happy and safe then that’s good enough for me. I think Oenomaus, I don’t know, I think he’s going to want to keep seeing you. He cares about you and I’m sure if you wanted to keep some sort of contact between you he would want it too. It’s up to you though. I just want you to have as many good people around as possible for if you need them.** _

_**Right, ok, so Spartacus and Crixus - It’s not that they hate each other, we are all brothers, but Crixus challenges Spartacus on everything and every now and again it comes to blows, literally. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve had to pull them apart, but when it comes to the crunch, Crixus will follow orders, even if he does complain about it. Me and Crixus have never got on, he’s a dick to be honest and for years we were at each other’s throats. Now though, I guess we’re friends, I um, I did something for him and after that he had no choice but to stop hating me. He still likes to act like a dick to me though, calling me names when I was having my photo taken for you is a good example.** _

_**I have to keep scanning your letter so I haven’t missed anything. I loved hearing about Cat and I want to know more about you. I understand that it’s hard and you have to know that I don’t care how ‘grim’ you think it is, it made you who you are and I want to know about your life. I’m kind of worried about hearing about your first boyfriend though. Do I need to do some ass kicking?** _

_**Duro, yeah I can tell you things about him. It’s easier writing it to you. I’m sorry I didn’t really tell you anything before, but I’m not good with it. It’s been almost three years and I don’t think I will ever get used to him being gone. He was awesome, you would have loved him, probably more than me. Haha. Um, so I never really went into how he died, you just know that he did. I’ll tell you (I don’t want to dwell on it too much and want to tell you who he was not what happened to him.) It was an allergic reaction to medication, he had an infection in his kidneys, nothing major but he was sick and hallucinating etc so had to go to hospital. The meds they gave him were fine at first, but the second night at home he had a fit and died, um really quickly. I think it was about ten minutes, but my mum was pretty out of it when she told me that and it could have been longer. I was staying over at a friend’s house.** _

_**Harder to talk about than I thought so I’ll tell you something better, I will try again though I think it’ll be good for me. Duro was an amazing kid, so fucking funny and smart. He was great with animals too and had a thing for dogs – or they had a thing for him. Wherever we went, he would manage to find a dog and they would be best buds. It was weird, like they could understand him and he could understand them. It wasn’t much of a surprise when he said he was going to train dogs to be disability dogs. Fuck, Nasir, he loved it. It was the perfect job for him. I remember one day, he brought this pup home, a lab, and he had to keep it for a while and teach it how to open doors and answers the phone (a specialised phone – but still) and things like that. It was so great to watch him mould this squishy bundle of fur and clumsy limbs into a dog that could help someone with say, motor neurone disease, live a little better.** _

_**Sorry, I’ll tell you more. I never talk about him much with anyone. He was my best friend and it nearly killed me when I lost him.** _

_**Stop being depressing, Agron!** _

_**I miss you. Fuck, this is so hard. Being away from you is the worst thing because without you I don’t feel whole. I don’t think I will ever be able to tell you or show you what you mean to me, but I promise to love you for the rest of my life and try to make you happy.** _

_**I love you so much, beautiful.** _

_**Write me some sexy talk. :)** _

_**I can’t wait to hear from you again. I’m so proud of you.** _

_**I miss your lips and your tongue and your ass. I’m horny ok don’t tut at me.** _

_**I miss your laugh and your cute teeth when you do laugh at me. I miss how you would wake me up in the morning by nibbling at my ear and running your fingers through my hair. Gods, I really should stop this, I have to go to a briefing in a minute, but I hope you are getting all hot and sweaty so you send me something naughty in your next letter.** _

_**I will write again really soon.** _

_**Love you.** _

_**Agron** _

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	7. To Agron

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for my crappy lack of updates. Fail :(

_Hey Agron,_

_I miss you and I love you._

_I know a year is the least time we could have hoped for, but it doesn’t make it any easier to read. Fuck, it’s going to be the longest year of my life without you here. I keep imagining what it will be like when I see you again and what it will feel like to be able to touch you. We are going to have a lot of catching up to do! Wink wink! Sorry, totally lame._

_I’m really happy that Spartacus helped you out and got you the shortest term. I can see why you admire him so much. Thank him for me and say hi. I wish I had spent more time getting to know him, but you kept me prety occupied!  You have to stop saying sorry though, dude. I know if you had any choice you wouldn’t be away so long. Never ever forget how proud I am of you._

_Your letters never depress me either, even though I might sound sad and heartsick, they always cheer me up. I think of them like a life line._

_Ok, so I have news! Yes, I did get the job at the cafe! I have my own apron and everything. Haha! I have a total of three burns so far from the EVIL coffee machine and I’ve broken two plates. Luckily they were free of food so at least that’s something! I like it though. It’s relaxed in there and so far it hasn’t been too busy. I’ve worked with Ruby a few times, but mostly with a guy called Hank who reminds me of my dad (weirdly.) Only how he looks, I mean. Hank isn’t actually anything like my dad._

_Anyway, I thought you would like to know that I got my first pay check this morning and even though you will definitely not be returning to a rich sugar daddy! I will be a lot less poor! It’s weird, but money hasn’t ever meant that much to me. It still doesn’t now, but I want to be able to look after myself better and once I can do that I will be able to look after you too. I wanted to maybe save up enough to move out of my place. I can’t stay stuck in the past and moving away from this shitty house is the next step._

_What else can I tell you? Hmm, oh… why did I not know how hard German is to learn? You kept that one from me. Maybe I’m just finding it hard? I dunno? Anyway, I did learn a few things so I thought I might impress you. Ha._

_Der Himmel ist blau._

_Der Bahnhof ist zwei Meilen entfernt._

_Thrilling stuff, huh?  My teacher is called Rita, she’s got really wild grey hair and calls everyone ‘munchkin’ and I asked her if she would help me to say something special to you so she wrote this out and I’ve been practicing, so here goes._

_Ich habe einen richtig heißen Freund.  :) :) :)_

_I can't wait to meet your mum and dad. I hope they like me! I've never done a 'meet the parents' thing cause you know I've never really been with anyone who matters to me before you. I've never really wanted that either. But I do now. Shit, I really want to meet your family and make a good impression. What have you done to me, man? Domesticated!_

_Anyways back to what I was talking about before. Classes. Fuck, letter writing gets all mixed up sometimes!  I like my sign language class a little better. It’s hard to remember all the signs though and so far I can only do hello, goodbye and my name. I chose to do it because I thought that maybe if I pass all the exams I could look into teaching at the deaf school in the next town over. I’m going to see if I can visit there and if I get better at signing and there’s a place there I could apply. It’s just an idea for now though.  It’s only two days till my real classes start. Still sort of nervous, but whatever. I'll tell you about it when I start. Don't want to think about it right now._

_I fucking knew you'd be in a strop about my hair! I'm joking. It's different, yeah, but I am going to grow it so when you see me again you'll forget about me cutting it short. You're just in a mood because you've got a hair pulling kink. :) You know, sometimes I dream about you flying back here. I'm always at the airport and I can see you standing at the top of those stairs they wheel up to the plane. You can see me too because you're smiling, but when I start running towards the plane you get further away. Doesn't matter what I do. I can never reach you. I get scared that my dreams are trying to tell me something. I don't want to lose you._

_Shit, I'm all over the place. This letter is fucked up. I'm just still... I just read that you're away for a year and I can't focus. I'll do better next time. Write another letter tomorrow._

_Just want to tell you that I know how hard it is for you to talk about Duro. Thank you for telling me about him. I wish that I could have known him, he sounds like someone I would like. What happened to him was so awful. I can't imagine what that was like for you and your folks. Saying I'm sorry isn't enough, but I am._

_I'm going to go to work soon and I'll definitely write a better fucking letter when I've calmed down a bit. A happier letter yeah? I'll write some porn or something. Ok._

_Be careful._

_I miss you and I love you._

_Nasir_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thanks to Jussy for the help with the German parts! 
> 
> Translation of Nasir's limited vocab:
> 
> The sky is blue.
> 
> The train station is two miles away.
> 
> I have a really hot boyfriend.


End file.
